uggh..Just venting this on here as Hubby does not read this blog.So long story short. I work more hours than my husband and I do the lions share of the household chores including cleaning, cooking, laundry, gardening, shopping and parenting. My husband has three delegated chores... take the garbage to the curb, load & unload the dishwasher and pack our daughters lunch.. I occasionally assist him with the later.. So his 3 chores versus my 20 some chores.
He has had recent on again off again issues with illness- mostly gastrointestinal issues. He was bitching and moaning why I don't do his chores when he is sick and instead I just wait until he is well to resume them... meaning the dishes pile up. I hate the dishes piled up and I know my husband.. If I do it once for him... he expects it all the time. I have done it before to help him out, but learned my lesson.I help out in other ways while he is ill, take Liv to camp, make her lunch, bring him tea/soup, etc.
He would happily allow me to do it all. I had to insist that he take on more responsibility once I started working after being a sahm. He complains about it constantly. I ignore him. So he has been under the weather, as was I. When I am Ill, he does not step up and take over my responsibilities. He has never cleaned the house when I have had the flu, nor has he done any of our child's laundry..... all those things that back up when your knocked on your butt for a few days.
So maybe I am just being stubborn and I should be the bigger person and just do the damn dishes..... but I don't want to be used or taken advantage of. Not that I think he is intentionally doing that... he is just a procrastinator and has a habit of "overlooking" things he will think I will clean up Ex : a raccoon gets into the trash and its scattered in our drive... he leaves for an errand and i end up picking it up when I leave a few minutes later when I depart for work so it does not blow into the neighbors yard. Then he says " Oh i was going to get that"
It's a matter of principal really...this is not the 1950's.... when I was a sahm I did it all... and I was happy to as I considered that my job along with raising our child. But now that I work, why should this all be on my shoulders?
I remembering being angry at my husband for the exact same thing. I bitched all the time to him about not helping me enough. All.The.Time.
ReplyDeleteSunday was 4 years ago that he died suddenly. From a fall off of our deck. At the age of 40. I would gladly do all the chores with no bitching if I could have him back with me. With us.
I'm not saying this to make you feel bad. But just to let you see, sometimes the little things appear bigger than they are.
xo
Debbie,
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry for your loss and your right.. these trivial little things mean nothing in the grand scheme of things... it seems petty and should not matter who does what.. I get it.
for what it matters.. I am rather Zen about it, don't harp or bitch at him.. I just let things go until he gets the hint. Life is to short for this and I just want more peace & harmony in my home.. that should not have to mean me having to do everything. We have got to find a happy medium.
Thanks for your comment and again.. so sorry for your loss.
I agree Lauri - you do have to find a happy medium. I sure wish I was able to do that when he was here. Life would have been more enjoyable.
ReplyDeleteI hope you don't think I said what I did to make you feel bad or thinking you were being trivial. I wasn't. I think I'm feeling sad for myself these past few days. :o
Not at all Debbie.... if anything your comment is just a gentle reminder to try and appreciate what I do have and what my husband gets right.
ReplyDeleteThanks for letting me follow along!
ReplyDeleteWow I am glad I read the comments for this post!
ReplyDeletewas going to chime in and say that I am SICK AND TIRED of my husband not being available for most housework/cooking childcare, yardwork etc now that school is back in session. (He is a teacher and basically is overwhelmed for the first two months of the year typically). I am feeling sorry for myself in that I lost my 'house hubby' that he is for the summer. He does most of the cooking and keeps the house tidy and vacuumed and does some honeydo projects in the summertime.
But now I have been given food for thought. Thanks Debbie for sharing...I do need to realize I couldn't do it all without him. Or if I could it would be very hard and I would feel awful about all of my kvetching.
On another note, a used to be friend of mine and I used to complain about our husbands to each other all the time. One day I realized I wasn't getting much else from the friendship and let the friendship go. Since that time about 4 years ago, she has lost most of her friends and her husband divorced her. She was married to a man 20 years younger than herself.
Now she is almost sixty and alone.
Thanks again Lauri and Debbie for the reality check and the lesson in gratitude.