putting me first

today I got home from work around 2.45....I immediately changed into my workout clothing and was filling my water bottle when John questioned why I was not picking Liv up from school since I was home. Hello John... your home as well? Liv goes to afternoon latch key daily for a little bit so John can work.. she is typically picked up by 4pm. I explained that I needed to workout and would not be picking Liv up... John knows this...I take her and pick her up on Mondays and I try to pick her up on Tuesday or Thursday if I can. My schedule changes and when I can I always work out in the morning so I can be with Liv in the afternoons... but today I needed to get my workout in.


John mentioned something about a workout not being important.... scuse me???? it's very important to me.. Hello.. do you not know me at all?

Goals

weight 137

I am a little frustrated with the scale... but I should know better right? to let the scale have so much power. Chris Powell on extreme makeover is all about the scale.  Is anybody else watching extreme weightloss? a new episode is on tonight. It is so inspiring. Anywho my scale is seemingly stuck... even though I have been under my calorie goals and working out hard.... Hrrumph. I want to lose 5 lbs.


I have been doing pretty darn good at eating fresh fruits and veggies. I went to the farmers market today after work I was so tempted to buy a ton... It seems they go bad so fast .... but I am sick & tired of throwing away fruit. I always ask John to put fresh fruit in liv's lunch ( we take turns packing) but he won't and she won't make those healthy choices. If I pack it.. she typically eats it.

I started making my protein shakes with almond milk... should have got the unsweetened because the sugar count in my fav shake is pretty high. I keep going over my sugar limit... going to really try to rein this in. I do not drink any pop or anything...just water all day, nor am I adding sugar to anything... It's just in fat free low fat stuff in copious amounts. Today I ate pretty darn healthy and still my sugar is over. I am making a goal to be more aware of hidden sugars and limit them.

I get frustrated that after a year of running, that my outdoor running stamina has not improved much... It is a slow process. I have been making a serious effort this summer to improve and yet I struggle with running 1/2 mile before getting very winded.  I think its pacing and todays heat did not help. So I typically just do the c25k regimen... walk to warm up...run until I can't run anymore and my lungs are burning... then walk until I catch my breathe... wash, rinse, repeat.

My goal is to be able to run a mile outside without stopping.. mind you I can do three miles without stopping already on the treadmill.

I want to achieve these goals by October 20th 2013.

week 53

weight 137


Even when my feet have been hurting.. I am still doing something everyday.... one day it was a 20 min brisk walk and then 20 min of weights, today it was a 30 min walk on the treadmill... tried running for a bit...... I am just not getting the normal cardio workout I am used to since It hurts to run. Even doing my ab planks put pressure on my toes. I just need to keep switching up my routine and find ways to challenge myself while I heal... I am almost there. I am going to go do some weights when I am done blogging.


My weight is up higher than i like... i prefer 133-135.... I have been more snacky than usual.. when Liv went missing that whole day I stress snacked constantly. I need to get a handle on that and journal or find something else to occupy myself. My main meals are always healthy. I need to think of my new fitness goals for this year... short term and long term.


A little vent... I do most of the shopping but if John runs to the store with a list I provide and I ask for a specific item ( 100% whole wheat bread).. he comes home with wonder white bread. I don't want Liv eating that and I can't understand why John won't buy it.. i am guessing HE does not like the way it tastes and he does not like the price.

Ouch

I have had troubles with ingrown toenails since I was a kid.. they come & go and I can usually just do what my Grandmother taught me ( she was a nurse)... I would stuff a little cotton under the offending nail and it worked. When I started my outdoor running in May they really began to give me a problem and I woke up one day and it looked infected... it had never been that bad before. Yesterday I saw a podiatrist and had the ingrown sections removed ( ouch)... she told me that the anesthetic shot hurt more than the procedure so she did it without ( wtf!!) I would have liked the option. The doctor said I would be fine to exercise today, while it does not hurt per-say it is very tender & sensitive and starting bothering me as soon as I put on my shoe. I read somewhere to purchase mens shoes instead because they are roomier in the toe-box. Anyhow I did a 20 min walk and 20 min with weights.. I still managed a good sweat.

Really?

I love & appreciate my husband... I do! he does so much for Liv and I. I often don't give him due credit. I may have had to demand & delegate to get him to do it, but since I returned to work three years ago he has really stepped up to the plate. He takes Liv to school, makes her breakfast and helps in many other ways. I am so grateful to have him.


Recently he started making dinner on Mondays... now cooking is not his thing... he prefers to grill burgers or get take out. Burgers, kebabs, eggs or take out is about it for John. Today when I came home he told me he was making banquet" pot pies & tater tots".. I thought he was kidding but he was serious. He seemed a little frustrated when I told him that I was not eating that... newsflash... I am eating differently these days honey. I briefly thought of having 1/2 of the potpie & making a huge salad so as not to upset him, but it was not worth the fat & sodium. If I am going to eat that much fat, I am not doing it on a 75 cent potpie.

John said he understood. I did not want to hurt his feelings. I whipped up a quick veggie & chicken sausage stir fry and served it over rice..... so quick & easy and most importantly HEALTHY.


Oh well.. he tried and Liv was happy with her Tater Tot dinner. I am happy that John just makes the effort to lighten my load. Thank you for cooking for Liv tonight John.

Core & Vent

I am working hard to shape up my core... of course I am sucking it all in when I take these pics.. lol. But I am seeing progress... when I suck it in I can see the body I am working hard on molding. I really am paying closer attention to strengthening my core. That prone jack knife move is tough.

I love success stories with before & after pics. I get really motivated and inspired. If I am having a low day I just read a few stories and look at some pics and get re-energized all over again. What really bugs me are the before pregnancy pics that show a woman in her ninth month ready to burst...I don't think.. "gee that lady let herself go"... what I am thinking is that lady is pregnant... really pregnant... with twins possibly. I usually know that they are in their ninth month as they are in the wheel chair on their way to delivery, possibly crowning at that very minute..lol

 To me overweight & pregnant are two different animals. I know one can be overweight while pregnant and I hear that pregnancy causes weight gain.. lol.... I just don't like the use of pregnancy pics as an indicator of weight loss success. It just rubs me the wrong way and seems a little like cheating somehow. 

I have never been pregnant.. so maybe this is just something I am not getting. I would much prefer to see pic of her with the post pregnancy weight and then her new body she worked hard to create. Pre- baby, after baby and then her final results. I am sure it is a struggle to lose the baby weight and I am not in any way , shape or form diminishing the hard work it takes to get in shape no matter what caused one to gain the weight.

I am guessing that these Ladies are just posting the picture of them at their largest to have the wow factor.I guess I can't fault them for that.. they earned those stripes and carried that load. Kudos to them... honestly.
what do you think? maybe all my infertility woes have left me a little jaded and I am not getting it?

I don't get it!

There seems to be an anti-fitness thing going around social media/FB... what is with that? so some can post political views, religious quotes, silly pics of animals,hobby's,and vent about being hung over and show off a pedicure... but I share a victorious post on completing the c25k or a run that I am proud of and I am wrong?? Really !!!! whats the difference exactly?... is that not what social media is all about? to share a little part of ourselves... to be a little boastful. I do not post to rub anything in any one's face... sure I get jealous from time to time of other friends figures, fiances or whatever..but mostly I am "good for them".. I believe you get what you give... Karma.

I asked my Facebook fitness friends group members if they were getting the same vibe and the general consensus was yes and what a shame. I hope that people reading this blog will simply appreciate the effort  that was involved in whatever I post, and carry on. If you leave here inspired or motivated then that's all the better. Most of you followed me over from my old blog and I understand this may be a new transition and you may choose to not continue reading as one reader did as soon as I posted something controversial.. "The Tarot". I know many of you are invested in Liv and care about her, and for that I am grateful. I know that you want to know how she is doing, but a small part of me feels that some come to mostly hear about the trials. If people simply wanted to see her... than the traffic on her other public picture blog would be high. I have nothing to base that one other than a gut feeling. Blogging over there did not feel right anymore.I needed to move on. I don't feel like sharing the trials publicly anymore. I am just can't do it anymore.. I feel like a broken record.

Maybe this blog is not your cup of tea. That is ok with me...really it is. I felt that some may have come over begrudgingly... " well if your closing shop at leap of faith... I guess I would like a invitation to the other blog"... Lol.. twist my arm. This is only a small portion of my life, my goals, my interests and yes its a little superficial.....but i have earned it and It feels good for an hour a day... just focus on me..and that is what this blog is all about... a very small focused piece of the puzzle. I can't say that I will never blog about Liv on this blog... because this is all so new and I am not sure if the need to blog about her will return.


If you just want to keep tabs on Liv and find out how she is doing, friend me on Facebook ( link is in sidebar) and message me.. I will be happy to give you a update.

Thanks for reading